Last weekend was AMAZING

From Friday to Sunday night we were non stop and had so much fun.

On Friday, Isabelle and I drove down to Fullerton from Pasadena - not an easy thing to do on a Friday at 4:50 but we made it there by 6:30. Had dinner then saw Santa V Martian's. I felt the earthquake but convinced myself that it was the Amtrak train across the street. Didn't find out I was right till Sunday.

Saturday morning was bliss as Colin became President, I was removed and I hung out with Chris Lockheart for a few minutes - very fun guy and entertaining to watch as he eviscerated scripts left and right. However I had to leave cause Dan and I had several errands to run.

Picked him up and headed over to Paseo where he fell in love with a pair of Cole Haan shoes which were 30% off, which became one of his gifts. From there a quick bite and then over to the convention center so I can go to Vinyl Toy Network. We go in and there, the first booth, practically the first person I see is KRK. Mark Ryden's older brother, who is also an amazing surreal artist. I stood there in awe talking to this very sweet and shy man for a few minutes while Dan ran and grab money so we could buy me a Ray Caesar book for my Christmas gift. I had a lot of questions and he was really happy that I was so interested in his history. He signed a copy of Hi-Fructose issue 7 that featured him. On his page he wrote that I had made my day, which was very mutal.

Dan and I walked around, saw a few different artist that I was interested in and went back to say good by to KRK and buy a small painting that he was selling. We started talking about random things and I had mentioned that I would be seeing Annette Funicello that night at a party. He lit up and rummaged around his paintings looking for one that he thought she would like. On it, he wrote: I have loved you for ever. It was very sweet and I promised that I'd deliver it to her.

We were also talking about Mark's friendship with Scarling and KRK then gave me the wedding invitation of Scarling band members Christian and Jessicka. Mark (cause of course I'm now on a first name basis with the man) recreated The Arnolfini Portrait as there wedding gift:

It is now one of my priced possessions.

Saturday evening Chris picked me up and we headed to Hollywood to go to the party where Annette would be. She wasn't. She's apparently very ill and not able to do much so I gave the painting that KRK gave me to her daughter, Gina:

Gina loved KRK's sentiment and was going to give it to her mother the next day.

On Sunday a brunch for my friend Chris, which I'll be uploading the photos on facebook soon and finally dinner at my parents for my father's birthday, which was on the 5th.

The holidays begin to hit

Tonight is the beginning of holiday season. We're taking Mason, Isabelle, Bob (Dan's brother/my husband) and Kelly out to dinner at Rutabegorz in Fullerton and then to the Maverick theater to see Santa V's the Martians. Yes, it's the horrible movie that's now a horrible play. Dan and I went last year and instantly wanted to make it a holiday tradition.

So wonderful news on the AWG front. The faux president resigned yesterday, to much happiness from the board that couldn't stand him. I had quit earlier this month due to his backhanded insults and incompetence, and sent a scathing email to him, calling him: a scum-sucking parasitic waste of time, effort and energy. But he's gone and the new president, who will be wonderful in the role, has asked that I help out one last time. I am more than willing to help out this organization who came very close to closing if the faux president actually won an election.

The reason why I bring up the AWG is that I wasn't going to go. I had quit. I was excited to have my first weekend back to do my own thing. So, I will not be the first person at Vinyl Toy Network this year, but I will be there. Saturday closes with a birthday party for my friend Albert somewhere in Hollywood, that Chris and I are going to.

Sunday is a brunch for Chris who turned 37 on Wednesday. I surprised him with his favorite meal last night - need to remember that he can only have three glasses of wine, at four he becomes belligerent and mean. He loved the meal; the dogs loved him. He didn't get his house due to the HOA going under - something that I had never even thought of as possible. So Chris now has to go to small claims to try and get his money back. He will be getting an apartment soon and as much as I'd hoped that he just finished that barn and move in there, he needs to get out and get out now. I loved living with my grandma for a couple years, but he's now on year 6 and is scratching the walls of his prison. The worst is that he brought Tracy to live in his mother's house while he thought that the house he'd put a bid on was in escrow.

One of the things that has always amazed me, is how naive Chris is. He decided that he was actually going to spend $1,600 - which is virtually impossible for him to do, on a Caribbean cruise. When I mentioned that he'd first have to spend approx $120.00 on getting a passport - he flipped over that price and now won't even consider the cruise. How is he ever going to get over spending money?

Well I'm finishing off this weekend at my parent's for my dad's birthday. I have the perfect gift - John Adam's, the amazing mini series on HBO earlier this year. I loved it and I know that he will too. Today is actually his birthday, but I didn't think he'll like to go see Santa with us. Sunday would have been my grandma's 92nd birthday. I miss her more than I tell people. She was a lot of fun and put everyone at ease. I asked my mom if she was going to go to her grave and she said no, grandma wasn't there, it was just her body.

Plays and flames

On Thursday Isabel and I went and saw Spring Awakening - it was just as amazing as on the 2nd, when I saw it with Dan. It was also fun to see the actors relaxing a bit more, taking longer pauses for applause and enjoying their moments.
We sat behind Stephen Root and a group of his friends. Wow, this guy is nice. I went up to him during intermission and told him how sad I was to see that he had been killed the week before on True Blood. We spent a couple minutes talking afterwards. I've met actors both in my current job and when I worked at the Music Center and there are plenty of asses out there - Stephen is not one of them. It was also really neat to just see a guy really dig his wife/girlfriend. I remember being really impressed with Tom Hanks and his wife too. They just like each other.
So it's a Saturday. I'm in the office that is filling up with smoke from the fires that are just 10 miles away from us in Newhall. The sky is darkening and a brown layer of haze is all I can see, I can barely make out the mountains that earlier today I was able to see without any problem.
It's also way too hot. It's miserable inside and out. It's almost 90 in the office today and warmer outside. I don't like this weather in September and I REALLY don't like in mid November. We're less than two weeks till Thanksgiving and I look like a fool wearing a light weight sweater.

Just amazing...

There is nothing like seeing a play that astounds and transforms you. I feel euphoric right now; the sadness in knowing that for 14 months of looking forward to Spring Awakening to arrive is now in the past, hasn't hit.
The performance was amazing. I had been listening to the soundtrack for almost a year and last December we saw the original play and now I know where the songs go to fit the 1888 play.
The only real change was the rape scene. They removed it to make the protagonist likable, the rest of the musical was the same, if not identical.
Besides seeing the best musical in years (besides Ave Q), Halloween was... well. Odd. First, I have to say that years ago I worked at Vroman's and I was fired (1 of 2 times in my life) by this horrible person. A few years ago at my friend Truett's party, this person was there and again, on Friday I was at my friend Mason and Isabelle's house and she was there. It seems that I have a witch and I get to see her at random Halloween parties. Oh well. I ignored her and had a decent time, but when I walked in... Wow, so glad I'm more mature.

I also saw some pics of me. Wow. Not good and no excuse. I went to the gym yesterday and Dan was sad that I didn't take him and asked that I go with him today. Well the problem with waiting for Dan is that we never go. I have to just ignore his requests and go. I can't wait anymore.

I did decide to upload my favorite pic from Halloween, I'm kissing my dear friend Kat, who while not looking like Frida Kahlo on a good day, is one of the most amazing artists. Earlier this year they moved up to Eugene so in July a group of us will be crashing at their house so I can take everyone to the Oregon Country fair that I went with my friend Jake a few years ago.

My first news article

I'm very excited. Earlier this week I was asked if I wanted to participte in an article about my pendants. I said yes, and now it's up on poshmama.com.

3 and counting

Today is my third wedding anniversary and so far I'd have to say that this marriage is very different from my first. Firstly, I still like this husband. I like hanging out with him, I like talking with him and I really like spending time with him. These things could not be said about my first husband who really was two different people. The one in the morning was actually fun, but the one that I got to pick up and take home every evening was a monster and I'm glad to be rid of.

Another reason why I like Dan much better - no lectures on spending, no lectures on my faults and flaws, no lectures on what aspects of my life and personality are not 'right'. I can never forget or forgive my first wedding anniversary with the first husband, when he lectured me all day on what it means to be a good wife and where my faults were really distracting him from being a good husband to me. I spent my first year wedding anniversary in tears, instead of feeling any kind of love. I remember that evening my parents invited us out to dinner, completely unaware of the six hours I had gone through and I remember my ex insisting we go, not to spend time with my family, but because it was a free meal and then leaving to go see a movie that he wanted to see. He never saw his abuse for what it was.

Well this post took a turn into a life that I'd prefer to never relive and it really isn't what today is about. Today is my 3rd anniversary to a wonderful man who I care so much about and who makes me happy daily.

So, the biggest dilemma that we have today is what do we want to do tonight. See a movie, dinner, hang out with dogs? All options but I can't decide.

Finally!

I can hear rain, there are bleak dark clouds and the smell of wet concrete is just outside my window. I hope that fall really is here.
Couldn't help myself - the dogs and husband were being too cute.

Sweater weather???

It's October. I should be wearing a sweater and a little chilly right now. Instead the air conditioner just kicked in and I had it set for 78 degrees. THIS IS NOT FALL. All of September I kept telling myself that soon, very soon I could see a cheaper electric bill, take a walk in the afternoon, not stare longingly at my sweaters all nicely folded and waiting to be worn.
So it's after 3:00am - I've been awake for almost an hour. I hate my sleeping schedule. I can't seem to keep my eyes open from 10:00 - 11:00 and try to go to sleep, but every night at 2:00 my brain turns on and I'm wide awake listening to Dan snore (his one fault). So after an hour I normally can't stand it, come in to the spare bedroom and try to fall asleep.
Going to try to sleep again...

The effects of no sleep

This morning I have been in suburban purgatory, which is good cause with less than two hours of sleep there is no internal blocker for my mouth.
From dealing with a vomiting dog in my car, to a gas station who decided to shut down all pumps but one, which I was the lucky one to use, but then in a sad twist of fate stuck as three cars on either side blocked me in so I couldn't escape, to finally going to Target to pick up a gift certificate for a co-worker's baby shower where I saw what can never be unseen.
In line behind me was a bald woman in her mid 60's wearing a baseball cap and a short summer swim cover up. Now it's rather tacky to be wearing such a thing in public at a Target at 8:40 in the morning, it's more tacky to not be wearing anything underneath. Nothing.
Since I had a few things to do I let her go in front, she first didn't wait for me to move my cart, but decided to gyrate around it, jiggling her once size H breasts that had scummed to gravity and were free to move anywhere they wanted, and they wanted out of the cover up. I SAW NIPPLAGE! Not something that anyone would want to see, especially so early in the morning.
She saw my look of horror and said 'I'm a cancer survivor.'
Which prompted me to say 'obviously not breast cancer' Hide your shame woman!' - well the last part I did say internally so I guess I do have some kind of switch cause no one wants to get into an altercation with a pair of droopy boobs first thing on a Friday morning.
So... yeah, that's been my morning so far. Vomit and unrestricted boobage. Good times.
Aaarrrrrr pirate day!

Insomnia is back it seems

There are aspects of not sleeping that I love. I love feeling alone in the world, if just for a short bit. I love when my brain becomes almost manic with the distractions of things to do, like upload pics onto my etsy store or finish a short story and edit a chapter in my novel. I also love that I can't wake up my husband who's never known insomnia and I doubt he ever will.
However tonight sojourn into insomnia decided to try and find former lives. Never a good thing. But I did find an ex of mine on facebook who was always much more a friend than a boyfriend and who my mother took great pleasure of always calling him Aloisius.
Tonight I'm also convinced that my time on this planet is short, or that's seems to be what's causing this latest bought of insomnia.
I want to live. I want to be around for years and years and have all my friends be really sick of my existence before I go to finally sleep.
So, I guess I'm not nice. It turns out walking ministers (for lack of a better phrase) don't like being referred to as extras in a Tennessee Williams play. But my argument is, if you're going to wear a bright oversized camel colored suit with a purple tie, you're going to be mocked. I'm sorry, I can't help it.
Of course I had to be an ass and ask him to read Luke 14:26 while I pumped gas - as far as I'm concerned if you're going to try to preach to me when I'm stranded I get to have you first claim that you're a disciple and then watch your face when you read one of the more salacious verses in the 'good book'. So tomorrow I have to get gas again and half wondering if the Tennessee extra will be there again.
I really don't mind what people believe just don't try to convert me. You don't see me and a bunch of atheist roaming the streets telling you to believe nothing. However I wonder what the wardrobe would look like, especially since most people preaching feel that the only way to take them serious in their faith is by dressing like they're about to be audited.
Well that's enough rambling for me right now. Back to go remove text from my mamma story so I can sell it on etsy this weekend.

Almost autumn

I love the changes that occur this time of year. I love waking up and the house is cool, the sky is still dark at 6:30am and soon, very soon, I can start wearing sweaters and not look like an idiot.
Soon we can go on walks and not die of heat in the middle of a Saturday afternoon and the leaves will change. Ginko's and maples will drop their leaves on Huntington drive and a sense of relief as the year starts to wind down and get ready for holidays and tradition.
There are also other changes. Poo-poo and Susan are no longer here. They've moved and even though I know that there's nothing really holding me to them, it's sad to know that two people who have been a great influence on me are no longer readily available. And their home. I loved and was creeped out by it. It was old and dark at night with a slight smell of age and other lives. The living room was huge and Poo-poo and I would sit on the sofa and watch scary movies in the dark. It's so odd, Poo-poo turned 22 yesterday and is a Sr at Layfette, soon to be a man.
Other changes, a hair and makeup friend, Rebecca is also missing. I know where she lives still but she's no longer employed at the place where we'd meet each month to catch up on our lives. It's easier to find her, but this kind of change makes me wary. It's unexpected and completely out of my control, and jars me from my belief that all things that I like will remain the same forever. It's childish to think that, yet I still cling to the notion that things can't change without my nod of approval.

Another month slipped away!

Wow, close your eyes and another month of 08 is gone. Soon it will be 09 - I just can't get over it.
Esty for me is slow right now. I guess that's good. I did make the front page (see above) which shocked me. I ended up calling my mom, sister and IMing friends to look, but it was only on the front for 15 minutes becuase it SOLD. At first I was over the moon till reality hit. I stupidly didn't take into consideration that someone in Austrailia would buy it. They did. I didn't accurately have shipping outside the US done, so I ate $16.70 to get it to the other side of the planet. Lesson learned.
I was busy last month but I can't really remember busy with what. We had two parties, both with around 30 people and both went really well. Also worked a lot of overtime at my job setting up travel for 20 people. I'm almost done, but there are so many details. It's not just air and hotel, it's getting people to the hotel, seeing where meetings are going, looking into rental verses cabs etc. Glad I'm almost done, cause it's taxing.
We also got a sofa for the living room. I now have an almost functional living room, it's shocking. Since we moved in, I hated walking in and seeing first clutter then dog crates and then empty space waiting for the sofa to come in. It's a sleeper so when my best friend and her family come out they can now sleep there. It's still not ideal, but there's not a lot of room in our house. Glad it's just the two of us, cause I have no idea where I'd put a child.
Well must get back to finishing up travel and finalizing conference packets.

August... really?

Well, here I am. Another Friday.
For some insane reason, I can't plug in my itunes or ipod into my computer here and I'm really into music again. Currently in love with ludo. I just can't get enough of them. I also started buying songs from itunes. It can get very addictive as I remember how many songs I've missed over the past 15 years.
So this weekend is going to be annoying, as are all first Saturday's of the month, as I know that tomorrow instead of doing chores or hanging out in my pool, I'll be in another 8 hour writer's meeting. I love the AWG and have been a member and board member for 8 years now, but I am BURNT OUT. I need a break. I'm doing nothing for the group and I feel bad. However, my replacement for 09, our current president, just announced that he's moving back to NY to take over his Dad's law firm and is retiring. Crap. Now the new president is good, but far from great and my desire to leave is even greater now. I need to find my replacement in the next two months.
So anyone with a t.v. saw that SoCal had an earthquake. It wasn't that bad considering what they can be capable of. It's a little annoying that anything that happens here makes world news when I didn't really know about the flooding in the Midwest for weeks really, cause it's just not covered here, which really isn't fair. Why is LA so important? Why are we the blond cheerleader of the country? The best part was IMing my best friend in Georgia while it was going on from under my desk. Who says I'm not talented.
I kind of f'd up here. We have appeals today. It's kind of a big deal. I'm wearing crop jeans, definitely a no-no today. They are J Jill jeans and a light weight J Jill sweater, but still.
Oh, I went shopping yesterday. Bought a couple cute things from Macy's and lots from Lane Bryant. I now own both vests that they're selling. What's weird is how little sales people know about the clothing that they're selling. In The Devil Wears Prada, when Meryl is having her soliloquy about the origin of popular color, the audience gets it. It's not a fluke, yet to the sales people of Lane Bryant, a ruched shirt to them is the 'wrinkly one'. If the sales people aren't educated on what to call something then what hope is there for understanding. And more importantly, why am I caring?
Well, my other best friend (I must be 6 years old cause all my friends are my 'best friends'), is coming back from vacation on Sunday. I miss him, however, the bastard called only to gloat that I'm here in earthquakville and he was in Oklahoma city - see, how should he know literally 10 minutes after it happened to call me to gloat. LA is not that important so stop trying to make it.

And I thought I was fat

Well, I'm depressed. I was just going through my drawer here at work, trying to clean up my space when I stumbled upon this picture of me when I was on a long holiday in Mykonos.

I was 21 and convinced that I was around the biggest thing in the world and not that pretty to boot!

If I knew what gravity and working 60 hours a week could do to a body I would have smacked myself hard in the face and told me to live more.

I guess, this should be a real wake up call for me to get off my ass and back to the gym.

Another Friday

Well this week has been interesting... unfortunately. My brother-in-law last week broke his left femur and elbow in a bicycle accident where most details are still not known. Yesterday he went home, after spending a week at the hospital. This means that the 7 minutes I see of my husband a day are not enough, as he tries to juggle work, friends and helping take care of his brother. I'm definately on the back burner right now.
I understand and agree that he needs to spend time with his brother and help out his family in any way that he can. It's quieting the emotional side of me, who is getting irritated that I really don't get any time with the happy-full-of-energy-Dan, but I get the tired-and-just-needs-a-break-from-life-for-awhile-Dan.
Today he took the day off to help out his father and brother so his mom could get a break for a day, since they haven't done anything but sit at a hospital since the accident.
I'm also fanitsizing about what chores I'm going to do tomorrow, since Dan will have to go to work at 5:00 tomorrow morning. There's the gym, which I desperately need to get back into my routine, laundry, dog beds, take dogs to the park then walk them, vacuum, dust, finish earrings for co-workers, etc. I just don't know what order to put everything in order to maximize the amount of time I have to do everything.
A month ago, I had signed up for a class and it's coming up this next week, however, my desire to learn this, is completely gone and I'm trying to think of ways to get out of it. I'm really tempted to use my grandmother's death as an excuse and let them know that we're holding a family memorial for her at the same time. Death seems to be the one thing that most people can use to get out of things. My grandma would just shake her head in mock horror if she was alive, so I doubt that she would care.
Weird things were afoot at our house last night. At 2:17 the tv turned on in our spare bedroom and the volume went up. I kind of noticed it, but Dan really did and it jarred him. He came in and woke me up to make sure that I hadn't gone into the room, turned on the tv and then went back to bed. I promised him that I hadn't. Then 40 minutes later my dream from the day before reappeared and there was a stranger in our house, wondering around. Dan also sensed it and went from room to room trying to find someone. If we took any kind of drug, we could blame the night on that, but we don't even take aspirin unless we have a headache. So for the remainder of the night we went from room to room, independently sleeping on sofas, trying to relax enough to get back to bed and back to sleep. If there is an inheritance, an alarm system may be a wise investment.

Yesterday was the memorial for my grandma. At home, memorial flowers from my company are in my kitchen counter.
The memorial was nice, it seemed more an advertisement for Royal Oaks, PEO and the Daz`e shop where she volunteered. The minister said that she endured her time till she could get into Royal Oaks - that hurt and made me think that I was a hindrance to her during the four years we lived together. My father disagrees and thinks I'm too sensitive, but that's how I interpreted the message. I also told him what grandma had said about Chris and my dad said that grandma really wasn't there near the end. The kind, always happy woman wasn't there, I know that. But I've always thought that death was sort of like a truth serum, where there's nothing to loose, not that there's no more life left.
I'm going to try to forget about the last couple times I saw grandma, even though they were my last images, they weren't the ones of what I want to remember.
Well, my cousin Peggy is looking for her inheritance. I guess, to an extent we all are, she's just being much more vocal than I would ever be. I did tell the little bit that I know. Mom and aunt Marlyn are getting 40% each and the rest is going to my uncles four daughters. I doubt I'll get anything at all, even though I can easily think about spending 10k on home improvements.
Speaking of home improvements. Last week the air went out and it was driving me crazy so I called and I know have air. Also, my wonderful father-in-law was perfect and helped my husband figure out what was wrong with the kitchen sink and now I have a sink that doesn't drip every 5 seconds or less (the guilt of a drippy faucet brought me to tears more than I'd care to admit).
Yesterday after the funeral, I sat in the pool for two hours read and played with the dogs. After the two hours I got no additional color. None. I think I'm about as tan as I can get without really hurting my skin.
So, there's little else to report. I'm back in the office - everyone is so nice and is so concerned. However there are only a few people with my sense of humor so when people ask what they can do and I mention if they have a shovel, they sort of look at me odd. It's a look I'm familiar with but still.
Off to work on the piles at my desk.

life continues

Today is my last day of bereavement leave with work. It has been weird taking this much time off, since the last real vacation I had was my honeymoon in 05. I've spent most of my time doing little things. I bought some vinyl decals and pictures from etsy for our entry way closet and hallway and I think they came out alright.

On Tuesday we had a private burial (on the 15th will be the memorial) for my grandma. I think we were hoping for a cathartic tear jerker. That didn't happen. Instead the minister that my aunt liked kept calling my grandma Mary instead of Marion and only said one personal thing about my grandma that she liked bridge.

After the service my aunt was pleased - I was as nice as I could have been (it was hard) but I suggested that instead of using a rent-a-minster maybe she should have gone with the minister that grandma knew for 20 FRIGGIN years. Someone who actually knew her and grandpa, could identify her in a line up. Turns out I wasn't the only one who felt like that.

My dad wasn't there - he has pneumonia and is close to being hospitalized himself. It sucks and I wonder how much time he has. We've been told several times that he's not going to be around for much longer.

My friends Mason and Isabelle came over yesterday. Isabelle wants to get involved with jewelry making. I think she's hooked. Mason made the mistake of putting his hair in pigtails before leaving. Sorry, but I have to share with the world.

My grandmother passes

I'm sitting here at home, in a home that for 50+ years was my grandmother's, typing while crying as the realization of her death is here.
This woman was amazing. She was kind, loving and supportive. She was a worrier but still stepped out of her comfort to travel to Russia, travel the Orient Express and island hope in Greece in her 80's.
She took me in when I was suddenly hit with a divorce and for four years we lived together, never fighting. I made her cuss, more for my own amusement more than anything and got her to say 'fuck' and 'shit', I shouldn't be proud, but I am.
She was in such pain when I saw her on Saturday. Dan and I had gone over to see her. We went into her room, which was empty. Walked up to the duck pond, then down to her apartment where we met up grandma and aunt marlyn at the restaurant. Her leg looked horrible and it hurt her, so her pant leg was pulled up. She was in a wheelchair and talking with friends.
We wheeled her to her apartment and she was different. Pain makes a person different, react differently. This woman who loved all my friends, called them derelicts and said that I needed better friends.
She wept when she had to pee in her bathroom, then chanted 'oh golly' for what seemed like forever. We could hear everything, it was like Rosemary's baby - the unknown more scary than the reality, but you never know.
I don't believe in much in this life. I don't believe in god, the bible makes me laugh but when my mom called me to say that grandma wasn't doing well and that we should go up to see her. I hung up the phone and instantly was in 6th grade again, pacing my room when we found out that uncle Chuck had passed suddenly. I kept thinking back then to make sure that grandma was alright. I knew if there was a broken heart, it would be grandma's and not grandpa's. I started pacing and getting dressed and I felt... good. Calm. I don't know where it came from. But a few minutes later when my mom called again, this time to say that grandma had died... it was too soon. I know she was in pain, I know that she wanted to go. On Saturday she had said 'Not even God wants me.' But for me, I'm being selfish - there still wasn't enough time and I'm going to miss her so much.
There are stories to tell about her, and I may be up for telling them here someday, but today is the day that my grandma died.

suxs

Grandma's not doing well at all. Cancer in her kidneys, tumor in her stomach and hernias throughout - its more a matter of time than any hope of getting better. Here's where I'm torn. I hate seeing this woman in pain, it hurts to know that it's only going to get worse and yet, instead of having her take a pill and die when she can no longer handle the pain, we let her go months waiting for her body to finally give up. I don't want her to go, but if there's no hope for recovery then why make her suffer more?
Of course my mom and I are pragmatic people, which for emotional people, makes us look like dicks. I want to know what's been done and where things are going. I know that the will has been done for some time now (no idea what's in it and not that curious either) and grandma has been talking about where she'd like her funeral (she's also pragmatic). Not the most joyous of conversations, but they're better to have now, while she can make sure she's understood. I don't think my sister could handle this kind of info, in fact I'm positive that she couldn't. The fact that we're being realistic here and are working towards getting answers, tells my sister that we've already given up. We have. It's that simple. She's 91 years old. She won't make it to 92. It really sucks, but to hide and think that she's fine, is stupid and does nothing for the future when decisions need to be made.
So for the next couple months while the pain makes living a nightmare for grandma, we have to wait for her body to give up.
On to a more pleasant topic. I had a good book idea last night. The non baby guide. The guide to singles and married people with no intention of having kids. There were lots of diagrams and funny stories about if a person with a kids says this, then it really means this. Sadly, lots of the humor was robbed from me, when my husband last night had an in depth conversation with himself over a math problem in his sleep. I really need to bring in a tape recorder so he can hear himself snore and help me to understand his conversations.

Not my most graceful day on this earth

So yesterday I take two people over to Warner Bros to have lunch at their famous commissary and to look into sound stages for giggles and to see if I can find someone famous for them to oggle. This sounds fun. It usually is. However, since I'm being rather apathetic about my wardrobe these days I didn't take into much consideration what I was going to wear. I should have.
In retrospect wearing a polyester shirt where the sleeves are so constrictive that moving my arm instantly cuts circulation, but the rest of the shirt is so big that I could swim in it. Or crop pants that are more of a thick winter blend that have a lower than desired crotch and a button that was hanging by a thread and fell off the first time I sat. Or most importantly, my favorite brown pointy leather shoes that have been my friend for years, but are stretched to the point where they're more like clown shoes now.
Getting to the lot was not a big deal, it was after getting in when I felt that there were going to be problems. Instead of using the main artery of WB (the water tower) to get from one place to another, it was closed and the only way to get anywhere, was to walk a quarter mile in the opposite direction from where you wanted to be. By the time we got to the commissary I was dripping sweat, my hair was wet, don't even want to mention what the crotch area was like. The worst were my shoes which started flopping off the minute I began sweating and every fourth step was to stop and put my heel back in. The only benefit to this, were the two people I came with were wearing ridiculously high heels and slower walkers than me.
We went inside the commissary and it was wonderful. Air conditioner loveliness. Ordered food and there were no spots insides so we had to sit outside, which wasn't bad due to the umbrellas. Half way through lunch and I'm slipping my foot out of my shoe, when I feel something on the ball of my left shoe. It can't be, so I move my shoe to look and yes. There is now a hole on the bottom of my shoe. A hole right on the base and roughly the size of a dime. No wonder why my foot was killing me. I was burning it on the concrete with every step. Crap, I realize that I'm taking my guests on a walking tour after lunch, cause I couldn't procure a cart. We finish and the first thing we do is go as far as possible to the ER/old Gilmore Girl sets. Needless to say within 10 minutes, I'm sweating again, crotch is dripping sweat and shoes are flopping. We find out that due to the Universal fires, that Ghost Whisper (I could be wrong on the show) is now filming on the old Gilmore set. We walk by Cold Case studios that are filming and can't get in. The nice thing is that since no one knows that we're not important, we can pretend that we are and get into things. However, with my shoe issues and my guests shoe issues, not to mention that it's near 105 and every step is like walking around in an oven. We decide to cut the trip short. However there's no way out. Every turn we take leads us back to the closed off water tower and our freedom. We spend the next 15 minutes wondering around offices and other buildings, hoping that one will lead out. None do. Finally we go all the way around all the buildings and head back to gate 4 where work is waiting. While crossing the street I loose the shoe three times and barely make it to the corner. When I do, I can see that the hole has increased to the size of a quarter.
We get back, I'm bright red and my hair is so wet that it looks like I just took a shower, pants are near falling off (spent most of the walking tour with hands in pockets holding up pants, never an attractive look) and foot is on fire from the gapping hole I've got going. I spend the rest of my day at my desk.

Not feeling it

So today I have a crapload of my jewelry and people are looking and some are buying. I just feel so exposed. I almost want a sign that says 'I really don't need your money, I just like making things', but if that were really true then I'd just put a pile of stuff that says 'go for it', so there must be some truth to the wanting money. I haven't had a sale on etsy in over a week, which is nothing, but I was digging the game of it. It must be the fact that I'm late, period wise. Yesterday I was so emotional it was silly.

But as weird as I feel, I can't imagine what life would feel like if I was my co-worker or friend.

On Saturday my co-worker got a call saying that her 23 year old son was dead. He had had a seizure at a friend's house, his eyes roll back and he was gone. Instantly. She was actually at work on Wednesday. On one side I can see why people need to go to work during personal trauma, it relieves them of what's going on outside of the office. You know your routine and where you fit in. There's no identity issue happening. When you're back in the world you have to think about cremation and services, emptying out his bedroom. I couldn't imagine.

With my friend it's more of a 'whoa' kind of experience. This week she had lunch with an ex boyfriend who had been her guy for 7 years before they broke up. They called occasionally and so this wasn't out of the blue. Well he tells her that next week he leaves for reconstructive face surgery so his transition to being a woman won't be so difficult. Yes, the plot of so many bad tv movies is my friends reality. As I told her two nights ago when I came over to help her process, so often we wish that our ex's would get castrated, this ones doing it voluntarily.

Now I don't know where most people are in the transgender thing, personally if you want to spend your own money, you should be able to do anything to yourself. Not that there's any legislature out there, but the minute this becomes government funded though, I'll balk like it's no ones business.

Gas is high, everyone knows that, so my husband decided that with his car in the shop and no other way to get there (I love him but I'm not going to drive 100 miles before 8:00am on a Friday) so he thought he'd take the metro from San Gabriel to El Segundo. I dropped him off at 7:20, on my way to work. He didn't get into work till almost 11:00. Yeah. 11:00. I'd be scratching the walls by 10:00 and possibly creating a hostage situation by 10:30. Needless to say, public transportation is not in our future.

For this weekend, we're supposed to do things with father's but both of us are kind of not in that mood. In fact, I don't think our father's are. Mine just wants to watch golf and eat a sandwich.

Weekend update

This weekend was fun. On Friday one of my bosses bought a mass of tickets at the arclight to go see Sex & the City. I had watched the show, not faithfully when it was on HBO, but well enough to know the plot and most of the characters. So 15 of us were there, cosmos were waiting for us and we got the nice lounge next to the bar cause one in the group has pull. Had our drinks and went in with 500 other women and 3 scared men. It was good. Like watching 5 episodes in a row. The part that I always hate is how weak and simple they make the men. Big took off? Really? Cause he wanted something smaller. Communication would have been helpful, but then it really wouldn't have made the other 2 hours of the movie as entertaining.
What was truly impressive/silly were the droves of women dressed to the nines coming out to see the movie. I get the group mentality of it, but the characters on the screen really aren't your friends. You're not all going to hang out at a fancy nightclub and contemplate why there are no decent men afterwards.
From there we had the bar at Delaney's on Hollywood, but I didn't want to go. I wanted to hang out with my husband and dogs cause the next day I went to Palm Springs. Palm Springs was good. Lots of wind. I had the eye facial and spa pedicure with paraffin wrap. Nice. I so love paraffin, it makes the skin so nice for a few hours. Hung out, talked and then drove over to Palm Desert to see what was in a bead store - trapped for a half hour by the owner who hadn't seen a customer all day and was now living in his store and had to talk. Yikes.
Finally escaped and met up with Chris. We hung out, went out to dinner at Wang's and the over to Toucans, which was right next to the Shilo, where we were staying cause Villas is now closed and there weren't any gay resorts that like straight girls to stay too. At Toucans we met James, who is 40 and his boyfriend who's much older. James didn't like my book idea, Money Grubbing Whore too much - he said that it was too close to what he is. Oh well.
From there, Chris dropped me off at the hotel and he went out and had fun till 3:00.
Next morning (yesterday) I woke up, WENT TO THE GYM! And then drank coffee and read a book in the lobby so Chris could get some sleep. At 10:00 we got ready and packed, headed over to Rock Garden cafe for the best brunch ever and then went home.

Sleepy

We're about to head into a three day weekend. I'm looking forward to the additional day off, but now it's after noon on Friday, which means that by 2:00 most people who can escape already have and the minions, me being one of them, are stuck till 4:00.

I do have work to do. Lots of it. There are reports that I need to send down to accounting, more bills to pay and tons of things to get off my desk. Am I doing any of that... no. I really need to, I just can't seem to get up the motivation, which for some reason has left me.

So this next week I'm planning a huge party here for work. Lots of issues regarding wine and corkage fees and I'm trying to negotiate to get us a better fee cause it's ridiculous to have us pay $20.00 for corkage fee and an additional $5.00 glass fee. It should be one or the other, not both and not now when we've had three other successful events at your place.

Tomorrow is being taken up with a wedding which starts at noon with the reception at 5:00. It's a catholic wedding but really a 4 hours for a wedding. Either that or hours for pictures. I guess the nice thing is that we can go home for a break if it isn't a four hour wedding. When I found out that this couple was getting married I asked how long they'd been engaged, then they quietly told me that they had been married for months, but just wanted a big ceremony. That's tacky. If you're already married then be married, don't get married and not tell people cause you want presents. Also, his best man is his father and she refuses to move into their home, till she's 'officially' married. The best part is that the groom's sister isn't invited cause Catholics, according to her religion, are dirty whores and murderers. I so love the bigotry in religion, it just makes me giggle.

I've been taking jewelry making classes for awhile and I'm kind of proud of the tree pendant I made on my site www.kcmisme.etsy.com, since making it, I've made 6 more and two have sold. I'm planning on making more this weekend when I have some free time.

Well I now have a customer/patient at my desk looking for refuge from work. Must accommodate. Off

Why do people insist on pissing me off

Ghugh! Okay, so I'm fat. I know it, the mirror knows it and guess what. I'm fine with it. If I wasn't then I'd be at the gym and really watching what I eat, because my weight is my fault.
So here I am, it's just after noon and I want a little snack so I get a small bag (already prepared by the wonderful people at Trader Joe's) and open it up. A consultant comes by and thinks he's being helpful by telling me that it'd be better if I just eat a cheeseburger or chocolate than eat my 14 almonds. Really? It'd be healthier really? How? Explain that to me?
Why do men (from what I've experienced it's men much more than women) think that they're being helpful by telling me that what I'm doing is wrong, even when there's not one ounce of proof that what they're saying is accurate.? Why? An explanation would really help me.
And it's just not with food. At 24 fitness (one of the many reasons why I don't go there anymore) the guys constantly think that they're being helpful by telling me that I shouldn't do wights or the elliptical because (fill in the blank), but I should do (fill in the blank) instead. Again, really?
One more time GHUGGGGGHHHHHH
On a happier note, my largest order (15 earrings) is complete and delivered, so that makes me think that my little hobby has the potential for more. I'm not planning on quiting my job over jewelry making but it's nice to know that several people here like what I'm doing and are repeat customers.
This weekend I'm NOT coming into the office. I've got work to do, and it really needs to get done, but I'm so burnt out on being here, which doesn't make a lot of sense, cause I took yesterday off and I'm going away for a night in two weeks. I guess it's the weather change.
Yesterday I took my mom to the http://www.pasadenashowcase.org/ - it was beautiful and like most of the other homes we've been at. This year marks my eleventh year taking my mom to the house for a mother's day present and still, every year we keep thinking that the first year was the best. It had an indoor gym, a wine room, a craft and music room. It had the most amazing pool and kid's room I'd ever been in. For the boy's room there was a fish tank in the bedroom that made up the shower wall http://www.fidm.edu/academics/majors/interior-design/showcase-houses/pasadena-1997/alumni.html - really, how cool is that!

Ouch, crafts hurt

My right hand has a huge blood blister and last night while putting a toggle clasp on a necklace I found out how I got it. This may be a sign I'm making too much jewelry, when my ring finger on my right hand is almost raw on the inside because of the tools I'm using. Drat, I have two more ideas for necklaces to make tonight.
Well, the gym is being conveniently forgotten about daily. There's always something more entertaining to do and so it's easy to let slide. Dan's schedule is so crazy lately that it's difficult to plan a time to go. These are all great excuses but that's all they are. I need to get on an elliptical for a half hour damnit!
Grandma had a couple crappy weeks, but is doing much better. The cancer hasn't spread, but it turns out that when you're old you don't know when you're dehydrated so the pain that she's been in is because she's thirsty. So after spending three days in the hospital for dehydration, she drank too much and all the water didn't go out the normal way but went to her legs - she had 10 pounds of water weight in her legs! Yuck!
Parents are fine - annoy and we're in an argument. For some reason they've labeled me the 'bad seed' and I'm the one who always is the villain, regardless of the situation. I don't get this. I'm friggin loved in my writer's group, work, friends, etc... yet they think I'm wicked. Latest example: my sister-in-law got fired from teaching FOREVER. She must had really done something bad to ban her from teaching FOREVER. When my dad tells me this, I'm not torn from the inside out (keep in mind this is the same person who two weeks ago gave me a 20 year old plastic box with my brother's old necklaces, instead of spending $20.00 and getting me a gift certificate) he tells me that I need to be there because blood is thicker than water. I tell my dad, she's not my blood. I didn't marry her, we're related simply by the fact that she married my brother. Also, I know a teacher who teaches at the same school and has never said a nice thing about her.
Well this really riles up my dad and for the next hour they (both parents now) are calling me to tell me that I'd better not say anything to anyone about what happened. What? What insanity lingers in their brain as to jump to this conclusion. I become REALLY angry that they're more worried about what I may say to someone, than Michelle who did something to a student (I'm assuming) so horrible that she can no longer teach, anywhere ever again.
I really have begun to hate the first weekend of the month, and this is why I'm retiring from the http://www.alamedawritersgroup.org/ board in December. I have an 8 hour writer's meeting on the first Saturday of the month, followed by frantic errands usually before we have to go to a party or have dinner with friends, which means that I don't really get a weekend. This past was even more entertaining. While my parents were calling me over and over again to make sure that I didn't tell anyone about Michelle, my dry cleaner decided that my bill was too low and instead charged me $431.55 for a $43.55 bill. Then she didn't believe what she did was that bad, so I had to drive home, print out my account that now showed a zero balance, transfer money over from savings to checking and prove that her little mistake did go through and I was out over $400.00 (two other purchases had bounced as well).
Wells fargo has taken care of the issue, which I'm grateful for, but still. Yikes. I really hope that this next weekend goes much smoother.

battle at work

It's weird, by most, heck, 85% of the people I work with I'M LOVED. For my birthday the CIO paid for everyone who was attending my lunch, which was 35 people. I'm the only person I know who can just order off the corp Amex card without any authority and not have a problem (this is something that I've never or will ever abuse). I've set up lunch accounts all over town, making it easy for my bosses and I get praised. Last week I got $225 from employees just for being me and for finding my way out of my mother 36 years ago.
Heck, a vendor just dropped off for me a crab salad cause he thought I would like it.
Now to the 15%.
The most I can guess is because I have such a strong, supporting group of people who do care about me here at work, and some being the top level of management here, that there are other departments who's bosses are... jealous? crazy? whatever?
I make jewelry, it's cheap crap ($3.00 - $20.00) for pretty much everything http://www.kcmisme.etsy.com/ and I love doing it. Several people asked that I bring my stuff in, so I obliged them, just to be caught by a crazy executive - a woman who doesn't know my name but gives me a look like I just pooped all over myself and I'm about to come in and give her a bear hug. This woman is TRIFLING, insecure and poisonous to getting anything done. Dead people are warmer.
Yesterday, during my lunch I took my jewelry down to her floor and she saw me, so she raised holy hell and I've been asked (and my boss agrees with me, that she just hates me for no reason and that it's not fair, cause several people sell homemade things to co-workers) to not sell so overtly in the future. I've agreed to this and I was already not planning on bringing in anything till June before my boss stopped by to let me know. It's not fair but there's little I care to do about it. What's funny is that my biggest fans are the CEO and COO's assistants who want me to bring in stuff every week for them to buy.

Done bitching about work. On to my family...

For my birthday, my parents bought me a sweater that's not flattering and a gift certificate to a favorite shop - they did good. Amy got me a gift certificate to a spa - great gift. My brother and his wife got me a 20+ year old plastic box that smelled and inside were 4 - 5 broken necklaces with beads and shells that were either broken or warped, one I remember was once my brother's. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? Chris, my evil genius friend, thinks I should make my sister-in-law a necklace for her birthday out of the broken pieces. However, I've thrown most of it out.
Well, that's enough bitching from me for one day.

Well... I guess I'm loved

My birthday is coming up. I'll be 36 next Saturday and while aging really sucks and I don't really like the fact that death looms closer, I have to admit it's nice to be so well thought of.
Yesterday a co-worker sent out an e-mail to the company seeing if anyone wanted to go out to lunch with me for my birthday (something that we do for co-workers) instead the CIO said that since the birthday was mine, he was paying for everyone (this never happens) so, even though I have a big mouth and constantly feel like I could be fired, he likes me enough to pay for 40+ people's lunches.

Amy's wedding - it's over. She got a mountain of presents and money and had a good honeymoon. Mom got sick immediately afterwards and was taken to the emergency room the next morning. Turns out it was her gall bladder so it was removed and she had to stay in the hospital for a few days to monitor her heart in addition to the surgery. She's better now, but it sucks that she can't do anything. In fact, she's wiped this month as a wash and is spending most of her time convelesing.

Jewelry is going well. I have a few pieces on http://www.kcmisme.etsy.com and once I get my birthday gift - a canon EOS rebel, I should be able to take really nice pics and not shaky, out of focus images with a camera that eats batteries.

Should I feel bad?

Well it's Easter today. I found out about it yesterday when I was at my friend Bob's surprise birthday party and he was talking about what they had to cook for the next day. I've been agnostic for quite awhile now, but atheist for only two years. It's weird though, after years, heck, my entire life, there is a family ritual regarding this day that on some level I'm part of. This year, nothing. I know there's a family dinner, I know that there was something this morning before everyone left for church, yet this year I was purposefully not invited. I'm not upset over it, more curious than anything about how we're (Dan and me) regarded by my family.

I also don't celebrate Christmas but I do give gifts to my family, and I seem to be the only one who puts some thought into what people would want/like, unlike my religious brother and sister-in-law, whose standard gift to us seems to be a gift certificate to Outback - a place where Dan and I don't eat (for as fat as we are, it's due to laziness, not a propensity to eat salty red meat), so it usually goes to my parents afterwards.

My sister's wedding is in 6 days. I was lackluster when invited by my sister to attend the bachelorette party on Friday night. I did say that we would go, but didn't know where it was. Amy never called so instead of getting drunk at a stranger's house with people much younger than us, Lani and I went shopping for a dress for her for the wedding. I actually broke down and bought a dress for the wedding too. I will have to return it, doesn't fit right over the boobs. Just placed an order online and found out that the website where I bought the dress and replacement is 6 miles from my office, so I may see if I can go over this week to return and not have to pay shipping.

Besides taking a short break here at work to write this, there's little more happening in my life. I've been working on earrings for a few weeks and have around 50 pairs to show for it. Chris came over yesterday and was really impressed by them and wants to buy some for his female co-workers for presents. What's funny about Chris is how cheap the man is about buying gifts. I have no problem spending $150.00 on the perfect gift, cause it's perfect. Yet, he freaks out if he has to spend $20.00 to pitch in on a gift, and was trying to haggle me when I said that most of my earrings I'm going to charge $5.00 - $10.00 a pair. I think most people up their jewelry prices too much and I'd rather get rid of the earrings than have to hold on to them for weeks/months/years.

Must run to the bathroom and then get back to work.

Board or bored

I know, title not very creative, but there's little to do here today and tomorrow due to our board of trustees here. All the bosses are in meetings or waiting to go into meetings so the minions putz around, look on-line for things we need or articles to keep us from being bored and wait.

Most of the items for my sister's wedding have been bought, in fact the only thing left is to take her to get her hair and nails done. I have a couple outfits that I can wear if I want to, or I can go shopping at Macy's with the credit card so I'm not terribly worried. I have a new obsession that's begging me to spend money on and that's jewelry making. I love it, in a couple minutes I can make a pair of earrings that look pretty good. I'm able to look at a pair of existing earrings, deconstruct them and replicate, and now all I want to do is make more and sell on etsy.com.

Of course my savings account is nothing compared to what it was a few months ago and my goal is to have $3,000.00 come Christmas time so I have no fiscal stress. This being said, I also have gifts that I want to get for friends, like a custom bobble head for my good friend Bob, whose birthday is next week. Ugh, I hate money.

Besides the quite, there's little to talk about. Tonight going over to Lani's for dinner and hang out while our husband's go out to see a movie. This weekend I'm going to come in and work till I'm blind to make sure that the software programs that I use are up to date with all our contracts and other data and to do inventory on all toners and other boring stuff that takes a little more concentration that I can't seem to muster when the phone is ringing all day long.

What to do

This week is almost over. Nice and quiet Friday afternoons here. A few meetings going on in the afternoon, but really, just a time to sit down at the computer, look out a window and type whatever semi lucid thoughts come to me.

Now that the shower is over with, in the next week or so my checking account will start to grow back. Currently all bills are paid, but the cushion that I've come to expect is gone. I feel 17 years old again, and not in the vibrant-I-have-my-whole-live-before-me-way, but in the do-I-have-enough-cash-to-eat kind of way. It's not that desperate, but its close.

One thing that I did stupidly with my money this week, was go to a jewelry class. When I arrived, the instructor just started putting stuff into my basket, so when the class ended I had the initial purchase of $35.00 but there was another $80.00 in merchandise and most were things that I didn't even use for the class.

So now I have lots of earring making stuff and a need to making earrings. Now, the earrings that I made were simple at best. 2 stones and a spacer in between, but the combinations and styles available are endless. Of course what I got were wires and other technical things, things like flat, round pliers I didn't get. Nor did I get any more gems to play with. I know if I go out I'll spend the last of my checking cash and that is something that I don't want, but I can't stop the little voice just wanting me to go out and buy.

There's another reason to wait - I have the PERFECT present for my friend Bob for his birthday. A bobble head of him. He would love it and I would love getting it for him. Bobbleheads are not cheap - who knew. I think I'm going to have to spend $125.00 next week for the gift. But the gift is perfect. I guess this is one reason why I'm not really working too much today - I want to come in tomorrow for some OT so I can afford the perfect gift.

Finally Over

Saturday was my sister's shower. There were 36 people, enough food, and almost enough alcohol to make everyone happy. Chris and Lani were amazing and true friends and I owe them a very nice dinner soon to say thank you for all their help.
If it wasn't for them the shower wouldn't have been nearly as nice. Chris manned the bar and made a beautiful fruit display. Lani made her chicken and made sure that Amy had her picture taken with everyone there so we can include the pics with Amy's thank you notes.
The morning had Dan and me up at 5:00, grabbing my mom and heading to the flower mart to get the flowers. Its unbelievable how cheap flowers are there verses me trying to get flowers in a store. Mom got 26 orange roses for $10.00. We bought 50 gerber daisies for $40.00. Went to my parent’s house where I made the centerpieces and waited for the weather to clear so that I could start working on setting up the outside. The weather really was the worst part of the day. The clouds never lifted and a little before everyone left it started to rain, in addition to it being cold.
Chris arrived and was a friggin work horse, he got the tables up and running, linens on, folded all the napkins, got the china out with me and was indispensible making sure that everything looked great.
Lani arrived around 10:00 and finished making my veggie display and made sure that everyone was meeting each other and that she took their picture with Amy.
My cookbooks with everyone's recipes went over really well. I got a ton of complements on them and on how smooth the entire event went. The cake was pretty, it looked a little too neon orange for me, but everyone loved it and were taking pictures of it, so again, I can't really complain.
The only problem came when my father bullied my husband into not helping me, so instead of hosting the shower I was running errands for it, while 36 people were enjoying themselves. I was REALLY tempted just to go home and forget the entire thing or go over to where my husband and father were and really lay into them, but then it would have looked bad on me, so I sucked it up and went back. My mom tried to make me feel bad and Lani sided with me. The men were playing poker, the real event was the shower and if I needed something for the shower all I had to do was call. Instead I got a reverse Taming of the Shrew from them - I'm still mad about it and it's been over 48 hours.
Amy is still clueless about cost, or effort that her shower took and I'm tired of thinking about it, so hopefully I'll get over my father for being an ass and be thankful that this is probably the last shower I'll ever host.

Almost there

My sister - Amy's shower is a little over a week away. Almost everything has been bought and confirmed. The cookbooks that I'm making for everyone attending are almost ready to go to print and I just need to call the bakery to confirm that they have my order and that I can pay them the day before I have someone pick up the cake. The only uncertainty is the weather.

Right now, I'm looking out a window watching the clouds behave more like dark, slow moving waves over the San Fernando Mountains. It is definitely my favorite kind of weather, but my mom talked me out of renting a tent so if the weather is bad come the day of the shower, we're screwed.

The other issue that I'm having is about my weight. I have gained a lot in the past couple years, happiness is not a great motivating tool for working out or doing anything outside of the home. Tonight I'm going to do weights again, like I did two weeks ago. I know I need to go to the gym. I like myself more, I feel great afterwards, I can actually sleep at night (for the past week I'm lucky if I get more than 4 hours a night) and my clothes, clothes that I have spent a fortune on, actually fit well. With all of these positive facts to support the gym, why am I always so reluctant to go?

The truly hard part of all the gaining is that very few things even look good on me any more. It's also depressing going to the mall and even a few of the woman's shirts don't fit well, if at all. I went shopping on Monday to look for an outfit for the shower and there was nothing at Macy's that even looked half way good on me. Very depressing. So now that the stress of the shower is winding down and will be gone shortly, I'm going to start focusing my effort to actually go to the gym. My goal for the remainder of 08 is to go faithfully 3 times a week. That's nothing compared to the amount that I went from 2000 - 2004, but I need to be realistic here.

Last Friday we were finally able to take my grandma out for Chinese food, which was her Christmas gift, since she can buy anything that she wants and there's little that she really does want, other than spending time with us. She seems to be feeling great and is much more like her old self. She still has pain in her stomach but it's not preventing her from going out and doing things, which is not where she was a month ago. I still think she has years left.

Almost there

Well this weekend was spent either at a writer's meeting, work, a leather bar or stuffing my sister's wedding invitations.
Friday night I went out with friends to Oil Can Harry's on Ventura. I've been there a few times with my best friend and gay man, Chris. It's usually lots of fun. We go when it's a cowboy bar but Friday it was also a leather man compition and the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence were there to bless the event. This was great, beacuse it opened up how my hero in my story (Kasio) would be able to destroy the vampire coven in my silly novel. So all Friday night I was itching to write, but I couldn't find a pen or paper and since it's a nightclub it would be odd if that's what I was doing.
Saturday was another writer's meeting. I'm retiring from the board at the end of this year and really lookingn forward to it. I've been a VP for 6 years, it's long enough and now I just want out. From the meeting, instead of being good and coming into work, I went home, took the dogs to the park then came home, put on pj's and did little for the rest of the day.
Sunday was raining so we couldn't take the dogs to the dog park so I did chores then headed into work, when I got an irate call from my mom insisting that I go over to her house and stuff envelopes with her, my stuffy aunt and a god-mother. Not what I would call fun. Dan taped the puppy bowl and at night we ate turkey chili that I prepped that morning and watched puppies running around like idiots - so friggin cute.
So now it's Monday and I'm itching to leave so I can go home and continue with chores

Today my little sister turns 28. I remember 28. I made a vow that day that I would never work on my birthday again. I get way too emotional and sad when I think about the coil of my mortal life unraveling.
On my 28th, I was getting a divorce and my ex was suing me for alimony. I was bitter, lost and unhappy. For my actual birthday a friend, my Dean Moriarty, took me to a dive bar where she hooked up with a drugged out limo driver living in the dim hotel side of the Brass Elephant in Monrovia. The most memorable moment up to midnight was taking this drugged out limo driver to another bar and on the way, the limo driver telling me that if things didn't work out with him and my friend, he might be able to date me.
I did end that night well, I went over to a man that I liked and he kissed me good night. This man had also called me at midnight, at the beginning of my 28th, to be sure that he was the first to wish me a happy birthday.
In a few months I'll be 36 years old, closer to 40 than 30 and 16 years from 20. These are scary thoughts. Mentally I don't feel much older than 25. Physically, maybe due to my fat, I still get carded most places. For this year's birthday we're going to be low key. Go out to dinner someplace nice, maybe go up to Santa Barbara for a long weekend. I'm not sure. Most of my current life I would never want to give up. I'm stable, my husband is a rock and I'm so lucky to have him, but maybe it's the fact that my life is so structured that there are times when I would like to go back, to re experience some moments that were raw. I'm sure if my wish came true, I would regret the decision immediately.

I hate to bitch... but

Why are men so... I don't even know the words to finish this sentence. I work with men all day, and at times I love that there's so little conflict or emotional issues, but the knee jerk reactions and blanket statements to get me to do something are ridiculous.
Just now, I was just told that I have to follow a process for something that I don't even do. No. Not going to happen. If you do this for yourself, great just don't imply that I'm going to agree to your nonsense. Another 'boss' responded to an e-mail I sent, letting him and our telecom guy know that his phone was out. The 'boss' insisted that I call every executive to see if their lines were also down. Again, no. Not going to happen. The problem seems to be just one phone and I'm not going to waste my time and energy on this nonsense.
I even have 'non bosses' asking me to research items from 04 and 05 - NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. I have one boss. This one boss is my saviour and I platonically love and respect him. If he were to ask me to do any of the above it would have been done as soon as humanly possible. But, because I have such an amazing boss, he would never have asked for any of the nonsense that I get littered with daily.

Well, that wasn't what I was planning on griping about, but there you have it.

I have a friend, and I'm sure almost everyone has someone like this. Who constantly tells me what I need to do to fix/improve my house/life, so almost every conversation is more like an argument, where I'm defending myself and my choices.
We're going to put carpeting in our den this year. It's a third cheaper than hardwood linoleum floors, I won't have to clean as much (the carpet will be in the brown family) and will hopefully last the life of our dogs, which are destroying the current carpeting. I feel, like I'm giving information about my life out, to her, I'm telling her that she should correct me and the ways of my poor choice in flooring. Fortunately, this was an IM conversation and after 5 minutes I gave up and put myself as busy so I didn't have to argue with her as to what I want.
The reason why I feel a need to bitch right now is cause I'm seeing her tonight for a 'girl's night' where all of her 'friends' have decided to cancel so it was just going to be me and her. I didn't want that, so I've invited my best friend and his... boyfriend(?) to join us so I don't have to have another argument on what kind of flooring would be best for me. If I want to paint the walls black and make it a sex den emporium, she should just smile and tell me that it sounds festive.

An almost perfect weekend

Well this weekend was wonderful. I got to see lots of friends and also got to see some people that I have nothing in common with and I'm grateful for that.
Friday night Dan and I went out with Mason and Isabelle. Mason has been one of my best friends since high school and my husband's best friends since college and Isabelle is just wonderful and is his live-in girlfriend, though is girlfriend really the term if you're over 40?
We had dinner, wine and went and saw Sweeney Todd - one of my favorite musicals/operettas ever. I have seen it performed in Los Angeles and in London and loved every version. Visually it was perfect. Truly captured the look that Sondheim was going for. There were a few scenes that I didn't agree with, but then I know this story backwards and forwards so I don't feel that I can be very objective.
Saturday was dog park then my brother came over to help return and install a new security screen door. When we returned, Dan was on his hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor. He had already stripped the sheets, a load of laundry was in the wash, dishes were done and he was going to do the bathrooms and vacuum - which he did. And why? Because he wanted to. I so love him it's silly. While Dan was doing manual labor I discovered (I was tiding up the place, dusting, etc) that I was invited to my friend's baby shower the next day, so off I went to Vroman's the best bookstore in Pasadena where I bought $100.00 in children's books and bought for myself You Suck by Christopher Moore - a very funny book and also a good reference for my vampire novel that I'm currently writing.
Sunday Dan and I did the dog park again, dropped the dogs at home and went out to breakfast and then went on a date to Target. Love Target. It's lowbrow enough that no one can brag about it, and yet nice enough that if you admit you're wearing clothing from there no one really can raise an eyebrow, cause everyone has at least a bra or pj's from there.
Got home and got pretty for the shower. When I arrived there were two sets of people, Trish's friends outside of the church and the church people. Now, I've been an atheist for around 3 years, agnostic for a dozen or so and had no idea what I believe the 15 years before that, so I have never really felt comfortable with these people. In addition, most of the people in the church that I grew up with had MONEY. My family is far from poor but the kids there, their parents were the heads of companies, lawyers to presidents and the dean to USC. Growing up I guess I felt more intimidated by them. Yesterday however, it was different. These church woman talked about the same people, same gossip as when I was growing up. I am so glad and proud of myself for not sitting with them, but to sit at a table with women that I didn't know. It was great meeting new people and bonding, instead of being snide and rehashing the same lame stories over and over again.
So after the shower, I was almost next door to my best friend Chris, so I drove over to his house and he followed me to my house where Dan, Chris and I took the dogs for a walk, then watched Waitress while eating leftovers - a great end to an almost perfect weekend.

First of hopefully many

Well, I have blogged before, infact several times I've started, then forgotten my password or the site died and so did all my ramblings so here I am, I think the 5th time I've started to blog. I hope it won't be sporatic, but more of a weekly musing on my life, co-workers, friends and family.

Things to know about me. I'm female. 35 years old. Married to a rocket scientist. I myself work in the 'entertainment industry', about as far removed from the actual industry as you can get, but I still have a SAG visa so that might be something... but I doubt it.

We have two golden retrievers that we just celebrated a one year anniversary with this week. They got to go to doggie day camp twice because of it. The wonderful thing about doggie day camp are the lumps of brown carpet we get to bring home. They usually go on Fridays, cause Dan (that's my husband) and I tend to go out and feel guilt if we've left the dogs alone all day and then don't spend anytime with them in the evenings.

Most of the time we see plays on Friday nights, tonight we're going on a double date. Again, nothing there is really that exciting. If you're reading this I promise I'll mention celebrities that I see in the hallway or give out some good gossip if I happen upon it.

There are two big things happening in my life this week. The first is my grandma, a lovely woman who I lived with a few years back and recently bought her house, so it's in the family. She found out on 12/27 that she has colon cancer. She's already had the surgery to remove, but since she's 91, the dr's don't feel like she can handle the chemo pills to keep the cancer from spreading - already it's in her liver and lympnods. This is weird, knowing what will probably kill her and also knowing that there's little to stop it. The only bright spot is not knowing how much longer she has. She's strong and usually positive so I hope that there will be many years still.

I may be innocent in my thinking.

The other thing is my sister's wedding. I am not in the party (I'm a size 24 and shouldn't be in ANYTHING strapless) but I am hosting her shower. Now my first and second marriages were a fraction of the cost of this event. So far I've spent almost $1,000.00 and still haven't gotten anywhere near all the rentals taken care of. It will be interesting to see where my limit for this minor event will cost me, cause I'm near done already.

Well I don't want to bore everyone with all the minutia that's in my brain on the first blog so off with me for now. As a little gift to my stranger friends here is a pic of the doggies their first day with us. Enjoy