Day 21

It has been three weeks since I started and according to my lying scale, (it's lying cause I can't believe I've lost that much) I have lost 21 pounds; a pound a day.
I have also tallied up my daily food intake and the mean is 1644 calories a day so far, which has been the goal so I'm proud of actually having the willpower to stick with it. Of course there is no real physical sign of me losing 21 pounds which is depressing since I keep expecting my pants to fall off.
Since I started writing the above my mother called to let me know that my godmother died last night. This has been an expected death (cancer in her liver and kidney), but it still shocks and I will miss her so much.
Carol was the thin and pretty one in my parents group of friends. She would smoke and drink with the men and tell dirty jokes, while wearing pencil skirts and really high heels. I would spend the night sometimes at their house since their oldest, Carla was a year younger than me. They had a giant house in Arcadia on two acres of land and the backyard was huge that we would run around in.
It has been years since I've seen Carla. When she was 20 she disowned her family because the man she married was in a cult. She has no idea how much her selfishness hurt Carol. Carol didn't even know she had grand kids till the oldest was 5. I often had lunch with Carol and her seething as she talked about Carla and what she put them through to see her grand kids. Carol was nothing but a sweet woman who wanted to spoil her grandchildren and what upsets me the most is how a 'religious' woman, like Carla claims to be, has no guilt over ruining so many years of her mother's life due to her ridiculous beliefs. Carla's 'religion' wouldn't even allow her to attend her brother's wedding, but by then she had caused so much damage to the family that she wasn't invited. But how stupid to believe in anything that forbids you from celebrating events with your family.
My favorite quote is from Anne Lamott who said 'you know you've created god in your own image when it turns out he hates the same people that you do'. Since I don't believe in any religion, it further confounds me how myopic people are who build these rules that do nothing but hurt others. How could a daughter abandon her family for almost 20 years? Apparently 6 months ago Carla started coming by the house to take care of Carol. We're sure it was so that she could be put back into the will since it will be significant, which makes her pious religious stance even more pathetic to me.
When my mother called she told me that Carol will be taken to a crematorium today and requested no ceremony since she was agnostic, which does make the fact that she was my godmother a funny title. Last Friday, my parents went to see Carol for the last time, where Carla mentioned at some point that she would be having a service for her mother at their church but since we're not members we would not be invited. I can only hope that this was out of earshot from her mother, but since I have no respect for Carla I tend to think the worse.